I have three children, and left unsupervised, they will stare at screens until their eyeballs liquefy and seep into the carpet. And so, I spend every single day of my existence wringing my hands over how much screen time is too much screen time for these people. Sometimes I set a timer. Sometimes I say, “TIME IS UP” and go to take the screens away, and then my kids freak the fuck out, and I give them back the screens so they can put their stupid Minecraft characters to bed, which always takes two minutes longer than it should. And then I worry that I’m a simp because I gave into their screaming, but man, do I hate hearing them scream. Sometimes, when I’m tired, I just let it go, because it’s cold outside, and I’ve run out of board games to play and tedious craft projects to do. Every parent knows that a screen works flawlessly for subduing annoying kids.